Lyrics for ďi had toĒ by Mission Man

 

Chorus:I went there because I had to

††††††††††† †† I had to learn the bad truths

††††††††††† †† To appreciate the good ones

††††††††††† †† And learn to love what would come

 

I went deep but I didnít want to stay that low

So I had to slow my flow

And show my glow

You probably know

About my mom

And how sheís been gone

Since I was a child

With a funny smile

Iíve lived more than half my life without her

And let the questions get louder

Until I could fight through the pain

And speak through the strain

While I see through the rain

I tore apart

My apathetic heart

Because my atheistic fears wouldnít let it start

I couldnít let it stop again

And had to use hip-hop to grin

Through crooked teeth and numb eyes

I was sick of all the dumb lies

I wanted to be a fun guy

But I never turned to drugs

Even while I failed to learn to trust

I faced my battles mostly alone

Because I didnít want to bring others to the unhappy home

Inside of me

While I tried to be

Alive and free

I was scared of what I might just see

And I didnít want to show it

So I had to grow quick

I aged 15 years overnight

So I couldnít show the fright

I had to stow it tight

So it wouldnít get loose

And expose the refuse

I had to clean it up slowly

Before people could get to know me

 

Chorus:

 

I fell in love

But she didnít fall with me

It happened very swiftly

And I was still dizzy

Her ex told me to pursue her

When I looked at her I saw my future

And it that hopeful moment

I knew I had to own it

I was going to open my heart to the start of something magical

I could have it all

If I could be with her

Before that happened she got back together

With the same ex

What came next

Had me vexed

I couldnít handle the way

I was betrayed

And my heart stayed

Wounded like a stray

Afraid of the unknown

Waiting to come home

So turned to the wrong friends

Just to belong when

I had no structure

I knew I had to love her

But I what to trust first

I explored whatís worse

Before I found the better

I wrote many broken letters

And gave up what little I had left of myself

To help someone else

I drove my friend to school

And thought it was cool

After being used as a tool

I felt like a fool

I was skipping my own classes

So that he could have his

And the outcome was disastrous

 

Chorus:

 

It took me two years to pay off my debt

And get

Back into class

Because my past

Had all happened too fast

And I had to amass

A new pile of loans

To make it back on my own

I was paying my own bills

And making my own pills

Because insurance doesnít cover life

Music has taught me to love her right

And hug her tight

Because I might not get another night

Thereís been much more than once or twice

When I had to go deep again

To keep the grin

Now my eyes light up with the fire of passion

Thereís much more depth to my laughing

I feel like I can make anything happen

And Iíll never live with the bad grin

Because I am too strong

Iím writing new songs

And I donít have to go deep

The hill isnít so steep

I found a flat surface on top of the world

Where I eat my peanut butter with chocolate swirls

And Iím glad I get to have my ice cream cake and eat it too

Itís a beautiful view when I get to share it with you