Lyrics for ďi had toĒ by Mission Man


Chorus:I went there because I had to

††††††††††† †† I had to learn the bad truths

††††††††††† †† To appreciate the good ones

††††††††††† †† And learn to love what would come


I went deep but I didnít want to stay that low

So I had to slow my flow

And show my glow

You probably know

About my mom

And how sheís been gone

Since I was a child

With a funny smile

Iíve lived more than half my life without her

And let the questions get louder

Until I could fight through the pain

And speak through the strain

While I see through the rain

I tore apart

My apathetic heart

Because my atheistic fears wouldnít let it start

I couldnít let it stop again

And had to use hip-hop to grin

Through crooked teeth and numb eyes

I was sick of all the dumb lies

I wanted to be a fun guy

But I never turned to drugs

Even while I failed to learn to trust

I faced my battles mostly alone

Because I didnít want to bring others to the unhappy home

Inside of me

While I tried to be

Alive and free

I was scared of what I might just see

And I didnít want to show it

So I had to grow quick

I aged 15 years overnight

So I couldnít show the fright

I had to stow it tight

So it wouldnít get loose

And expose the refuse

I had to clean it up slowly

Before people could get to know me




I fell in love

But she didnít fall with me

It happened very swiftly

And I was still dizzy

Her ex told me to pursue her

When I looked at her I saw my future

And it that hopeful moment

I knew I had to own it

I was going to open my heart to the start of something magical

I could have it all

If I could be with her

Before that happened she got back together

With the same ex

What came next

Had me vexed

I couldnít handle the way

I was betrayed

And my heart stayed

Wounded like a stray

Afraid of the unknown

Waiting to come home

So turned to the wrong friends

Just to belong when

I had no structure

I knew I had to love her

But I what to trust first

I explored whatís worse

Before I found the better

I wrote many broken letters

And gave up what little I had left of myself

To help someone else

I drove my friend to school

And thought it was cool

After being used as a tool

I felt like a fool

I was skipping my own classes

So that he could have his

And the outcome was disastrous




It took me two years to pay off my debt

And get

Back into class

Because my past

Had all happened too fast

And I had to amass

A new pile of loans

To make it back on my own

I was paying my own bills

And making my own pills

Because insurance doesnít cover life

Music has taught me to love her right

And hug her tight

Because I might not get another night

Thereís been much more than once or twice

When I had to go deep again

To keep the grin

Now my eyes light up with the fire of passion

Thereís much more depth to my laughing

I feel like I can make anything happen

And Iíll never live with the bad grin

Because I am too strong

Iím writing new songs

And I donít have to go deep

The hill isnít so steep

I found a flat surface on top of the world

Where I eat my peanut butter with chocolate swirls

And Iím glad I get to have my ice cream cake and eat it too

Itís a beautiful view when I get to share it with you